Going no contact with family is a nuanced and complicated topic. This post will help give you some points to ponder if you are considering going no contact with family.
Family is supposed to be a safe place: a source of love, support, and belonging. But what happens when that’s not your reality?
When the people who are supposed to care for you are also the ones causing harm, going no contact may feel like your only option.
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Still, many people wrestle with the guilt:
Is it wrong to go no contact with family? Am I a bad person for walking away?
Let’s talk about it.
What Does “Going No Contact” Actually Mean?
Going no contact means intentionally cutting off all communication with someone, including texts, calls, visits, even social media interaction. In the case of family, it can be especially difficult and emotional because we’re taught that blood ties should never be broken.
But here’s the truth: Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they have the right to hurt you.
No contact is not about revenge or punishment—it’s about self-preservation and protecting your peace.
Is It Ever Okay to Go No Contact with Family?
Yes. Absolutely.
Going no contact isn’t something people usually do on a whim. It’s often a decision that comes after:
- Years of emotional abuse or manipulation
- Repeated violation of healthy boundaries that have been set
- Feeling unsafe or disrespected
- Being gaslit, scapegoated, or controlled
- Experiencing neglect or abandonment
If a relationship consistently makes you feel drained, unsafe, or small it is always okay to walk away.
You do not owe continued access to anyone who harms you, even if they’re family.
Is It Okay to Go No Contact Over Politics or Values?
This is a common and very valid question, especially in today’s climate.
If your family’s political or social beliefs directly invalidate your identity, safety, or rights, it’s not “just a difference of opinion.” It can feel deeply personal and triggering.
For example:
- If you’re LGBTQ+ and your family refuses to accept or respect your identity
- If you’re a person of color and your family holds or defends racist views
- If your boundaries around issues like bodily autonomy, gender roles, or religion are constantly under attack
You have every right to protect yourself from harmful ideology. It doesn’t make you intolerant. It makes you self-aware.
What If Your Family Tries to Guilt Trip You for Going No Contact?
Unfortunately, this happens a lot.
You might hear:
- “We’re family. You’re supposed to stick together no matter what.”
- “You’ve changed.”
- “How can you do this to us?”
- “You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.”
Here’s the truth: Guilt trips are a form of manipulation. They shift the focus from your pain to their discomfort. Often, it’s not about missing you—it’s about missing the control they had over you.
You are not responsible for managing other people’s feelings, especially when those feelings come from a refusal to respect your boundaries.
Will I Regret Going No Contact?
This is a deeply personal question.
Some people feel regret. Many feel relief. Most feel a mix of emotions including grief, guilt, peace, clarity. That’s normal.
You may grieve the idea of what you wanted your family to be. You may even miss individual moments of connection. But that doesn’t mean the relationship as a whole was healthy.
Regret doesn’t always mean you made the wrong choice.
Sometimes it just means you’re human, and you care deeply, even about people who hurt you.
What About Holidays and Milestones?
Holidays, weddings, and birthdays can stir up intense emotions. You might feel lonely, sad, or even jealous seeing others enjoy close family ties. That’s okay.
Here are some things that help:
- Create your own traditions with friends or chosen family
- Journal your feelings instead of pushing them down
- Let yourself grieve without judgment
- Remember your “why”—the reason you went no contact in the first place
You can build new, meaningful connections that honor who you are, not just where you came from.
Ways to Heal After Going No Contact with Family
Healing from family trauma takes time. Here are some gentle, supportive steps to heal after going no contact with family:
1. Therapy or Coaching
A therapist can help you unpack trauma, navigate guilt, and rebuild self-worth. Look for someone who specializes in family systems, inner child work, or emotional abuse recovery.
2. Set New Boundaries in Other Relationships
Going no contact sharpens your awareness. You’ll start noticing what’s healthy and what’s not healthy in friendships, at work, in romance. Honor that insight. Let it guide you in setting healthy boundaries in other relationships.
3. Reconnect with Your Inner Child
You may be grieving the nurturing, present parent you never had. Inner child work involves giving yourself the love, validation, and protection you needed growing up. This can be powerful and deeply healing.
4. Build Chosen Family
Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and support your growth. These relationships can feel more like “family” than anything you were born into.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Grief, anger, sadness, guilt, relief—they can all exist at once. You don’t need to “get over it” quickly. You just need to keep showing up for yourself.
Can You Ever Reconnect After Going No Contact?
Yes—if and only if it feels safe, mutual, and respectful.
Ask yourself:
- Have they genuinely changed? Or are they just uncomfortable with the consequences?
- Can you be in their presence without feeling small, anxious, or triggered?
- Are your boundaries being respected now, not just tolerated?
Sometimes relationships can be repaired. Other times, no contact becomes permanent. Either choice can be healthy.
You are allowed to outgrow people who refuse to grow with you.
Common Myths About Going No Contact
Let’s bust a few myths:
❌ “It’s selfish.”
No—selfishness is harming others to benefit yourself. Going no contact is self-protective when harm has already been done to you.
❌ “Family is everything.”
Healthy family is everything. Toxic family? Not so much. Loyalty should never cost you your peace.
❌ “You’ll regret this someday.”
Maybe. But you might also regret spending decades hoping someone will change when they’ve shown they won’t.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Wrong for Choosing Peace
Going no contact is a deeply personal, often painful decision. But it can also be the doorway to healing, peace, and self-discovery.
You are not wrong. You are not broken. You are not heartless.
You are someone who values your mental health and emotional safety—and that’s something to be proud of.
Whatever your story, you deserve to feel safe, seen, and supported. Even if that means creating distance from the people who share your DNA.